Insanity!
by Crowley Black
Summary: Stalking and talking to yourself, are these the first signs of madness or love? Find out as you follow Hogwarts resident stalker! Slash SBRL. COMPLETE
1. Border Line Stalker

Hi! This is my new story 'Insanity!' hope you like it! It's set when the marauders were at Hogwarts in their fifth year! Mostly written in Remus' POV.

Warning: though mild does contain slash between Remus and Sirius!

Disclaimer: don't own anything! I live in a box!

Chapter one- Borderline stalker!

Remus followed Sirius silently across the Griffyndor common room, hidden under James' Invisibility Cloak so Sirius didn't know he was there, and out through the Portrait hole. It was nearly two in the morning and Remus had heard Sirius get out of bed and leave their dorm room, no doubt going to the kitchen to get a snack, and for some reason unknown to Remus he had grabbed the Invisibility Cloak and followed him.

_ You do know this is borderline stalker don't you?_ asked the little voice inside Remus' head as he crept after Sirius along a deserted corridor that definitely did not lead to the kitchen. He was puzzled, where else would Sirius go at two in the morning? A few minutes later Sirius ducked into an empty classroom and Remus ducked in quick before he closed the door. Remus has no idea why Sirius would leave his warm bed in the middle of the night to sit in an empty classroom.

_ Maybe for the same reason you are._ said the voice in his head snidely. But that couldn't be the reason. Remus was here because he loved Sirius, a fact he hated to admit even to himself, and for some reason his subconscious had decided to take up stalking him. Loving Sirius was about as useful as loving a flobberworm. It was widely known that Sirius thought of himself as a 'player' and had been out with many girls. But Remus had the feeling that Sirius wouldn't go out with him even if he was a girl. The girls Sirius went for were more open and flirty. If truth be told they were all... well... sluts really.

A few moment later Remus heard the sound of footsteps in the corridor then a dark figure quickly slipped inside.

" I knew you'd come." said Sirius sounding slightly amused.

" Wouldn't miss it." replied the figure. Sirius waved his wand and conjured up some candles bathing everything in a warm glow. Remus recognized the other person as a petite brunette girl from Ravenclaw in the same year as the marauders and quite good friends with them. Her name was Krysta Wilson.

Remus' stomach plummeted. Sirius was here meeting a girl! And Remus couldn't leave! The door was closed, he was trapped!

_Serves you right for being so creepy!_ Remus hated that little voice. He really should see a physiatrist, what with hearing voices and all.

But Remus didn't have much time to ponder his sanity, or rather lack of, because Sirius was leading Krysta over to a desk and Remus had to jump out of the way to avoid a collision.

Remus had to admit he was surprised to see Krysta. She wasn't easy at all and she was very smart. In fact Remus quite liked her, though only as a friend.

" So how long have you felt this way?" Krysta asked giggling slightly and Remus thought he saw the faintest twinge of a blush creep up Sirius' cheek but it was gone so fast that Remus thought it was just a trick of the light.

" I think I've always been in love but I only just realised." Sirius said quietly and Remus felt as though the bottom of his stomach had fallen out. Sirius was in love with Krysta! He fought back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him as he backed against the wall and slid to the floor. Sirius sat on the edge of the desk next to Krysta and began talking again.

" I can't ask my friends for help 'cause they would just laugh at me," Remus noticed that even Krysta was fighting the urge to laugh, " so will you please help me?" So he's not in love with Krysta! Remus felt his spirits lift slightly only to be squashed again by that evil little voice.

_But he's asking her to help him get another girl he wants!_

" how do you expect me to help you if you wont tell me who it is!" Krysta asked Sirius smiling up at him. Sirius gulped and began to nervously play with his long black hair.

" Ok I'll tell you, but I'll whisper it. The walls have ears you know!" Krysta raised her eyebrows skeptically but bent close to Sirius none the less. Remus also leaned closer, breath held, but couldn't make out what Sirius had said. Krysta immediately burst into a fit of giggles.

" You're in love with-" but she was cut off when Sirius placed his hand over her mouth.

" Shh, please!" Sirius pleaded, " so will you help me?"

" Ok ok I'll help you!," Krysta yawned, " I better go. I need to sleep." Remus also yawned and followed them out the door. He felt strangely empty as he wandered down the dark halls. He knew Sirius would never love him but it still hurt. He severely wished that he had stayed in bed and fantasized about Sirius.

When Remus awoke the next morning and pulled himself out of bed, his eyes drooping from lack of sleep, he wished more then ever that he had not overheard Sirius' and Krysta's conversation.

_Overheard!_ the voice in Remus' head practically screeched, _You mean when you went crazy and stalked him!_

" Oh shut up." Remus mumbled out loud as he crossed the dorm, earning him worried looks from his friends. This was going to be a long day!

Hope you like! Please R and R!


	2. Get a Grip!

Hi! This is also written in Remus' POV. Due to confusion (mostly mine) the annoying little voice in Remus' head that crops up throughout the entire story will be written in italics so I don't have to keep putting "said the annoying little voice". Thank you for understanding! Oh and thanks to all my reviewers!

Warning: This story contains slash!

Disclaimer: Don't own nottin'!

Chapter two: Get a Grip!

Over the next few days Remus' friends seemed to have come to the same conclusion as Remus himself had.

Remus J. Lupin was insane.

_ Unhinged, cracked, loony, of his rocker!_ Supplied the nasty little voice.

Remus had taken to avoiding Sirius as much as possible which often left him sitting alone a corner of the common room. Also the infernal little voice inside Remus' head had become unbearable and he kept muttering out loud just how much he hated it.

Remus looked up from the book he was reading as Sirius got off his bed and began heading for the common room.

" Where're you going Padfoot?" asked James glancing up from his homework.

" I'm going to see Krysta," Sirius replied simply, " see you all later." As soon as Sirius had left James put down his quill and turned to Remus and Peter.

" You know I think there's something going on between Sirius and Krysta. He's been seeing her al lot lately. Do either of you know anything?" he asked. Remus' stomach gave a funny jolt. Should he tell James?

_You mean tell him you're gay and in love with your best friend and how you stalked him and heard him talking to Krysta about some girl he loves and how shitty that makes you feel. _It had a point.

" I don't think he's dating Krysta. She's not his type." said Remus flatly.

" Well then why does he keep meeting her?" asked Peter timidly from the end of Remus' bed where he was doing his Divination homework.

" He wants her to help him get a girl he likes." blurted out Remus before he could stop himself. James eyes narrowed suspiciously and he crossed the room to sit next to Remus.

" How do you know?" he asked.

_Well done!_ Said the voice sarcastically.

" I... er... overheard them in the library." said Remus quickly.

" So who is it then? The girl Sirius likes." asked James his eyes shining with mischief.

" Don't know, don't care." said Remus bitterly. James narrowed his eyes again but didn't press the matter. He returned to his bed to finish his homework though Remus noticed he kept glancing at him with a thoughtful look on his face. Peter as usual had no clue as to what was going on around him.

Later that day while Remus was heading to the library to return a book he was stopped in the hall by Krysta.

" Remus can I have a word with you?" she asked glancing around nervously.

" Er... ok, I guess." replied Remus.

" Well its about Sirius only don't tell him I was the one who told you ok." Krysta lowered her voice so as not to be overheard.

_She's about to tell you who Sirius loves! Funny really when you think about it._

" What about Sirius?" Remus asked trying not to be sick.

" Well you see he's in love, but he's afraid they don't love him back."

" Who does he love?" asked Remus, he regretted it immediately. He didn't really want to know. He might lose it completely and curse the poor girl. After all he had gone insane.

" Well that's the thing. He's in love with-" Krysta was cut short by an odd strangled cry coming from behind Remus.

" KRYSTA!" shouted Sirius rushing towards them. He grabbed hold of Krysta's arm and pulled her away from Remus without even breaking stride. A little way down the corridor he muttered something to her and she stalked off, casting dark looks at Sirius over her shoulder.

Remus blinked a few times, standing in shock as Sirius came to talk to him.

" What did Krysta say to you?" Sirius demanded.

" Nothing. She just wanted to know if I was going to Hogsmead next weekend that's all." Remus shrugged and thankfully Sirius believed him. Remus congratulated himself on his quick thinking.

_Oh yeah you're a regular genius._

" Well lets just get back to the dorms." said Sirius quickly. He seized Remus' hand and pulled him along the dim hallway. Sirius didn't seem to notice that they were now holding hands but Remus thought his whole arm would explode it was tingling so much. Remus closed his eyes and let himself be led back to Gryffindor tower trying to ignore his growing excitement that was especially noticeable in his trousers. He really should stop fantasizing.

_ Get a grip!_

Hope you liked it! Do you think this chapter is long enough? Please R and R! This story was on fanfiction under my other AN Jackanory. I am now only using that name for my Pirates of the Caribbean stories. Sorry for the confusion.


	3. Supreme Ruler of Remus' Head

Sorry I haven't updated in so long but my computer broke and I had to get a new one! Thanks to all those people who reviewed chapter 2.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognize!

Chapter Three: Supreme Ruler of Remus' Head.

The following weeks were bitter-sweet for Remus. He tried not to spend to much time with Sirius for the simple reason that he didn't know whether he trusted himself not to start ripping Sirius' clothes of in front of the whole school, but after Krysta had nearly told him who Sirius was in love with Sirius chose to stick close to Remus.

One afternoon, after he had finally managed to ditch Sirius, Remus was sitting in the library as usual when he heard an urgent whisper coming form behind a book shelf.

"Remus! Psst! Remus!" Krysta's head appeared between two books.

"Krysta? What are y-"

"No time for that! Come here quick!" Krysta interrupted him. Remus rose quickly and joined her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Not here. Sirius might come looking for you." She headed out of the library leading a very confused Remus.

_This girl is as insane as you are._ Observed the voice as Remus watched Krysta using her mirror to check round corners. After a few minutes Remus found himself being pushed through the door of what appeared to be a girls bathroom.

_She's lost it._

"Krysta I-" Krysta had followed him into the bathroom and had pushed him roughly against the wall. She had now pressed her lips firmly but gently against Remus' only pulling away when she needed to come up for air.

"Oh my god!" gasped Remus, "I'm sorry Krysta but I don't like you that way."

"I knew it!" she exclaimed, " And why not?" she didn't sound angry, more triumphant and a little curios. Remus couldn't think of a good enough excuse so he decided to tell her the truth. Well some of it anyway.

"BecauseI'minlovewithsomeoneelse." he rushed. Krysta laughed slightly.

"And just who is the lucky person?" Krysta pushed. Remus didn't know what to say. Should he tell her? Should he make it up? Should he just jinx her and run away as fast as possible? Well the last one didn't sound like a very good idea so he leaned against the wall and sighed. It was definitely the sigh of someone resigned to their fate and Krysta grinned.

"It's Sirius ok. I'm in love with Sirius Black." Remus grinned sheepishly, it actually felt good to say it out loud.

"I knew it! I just needed you to say it!" Krysta laughed.

"Couldn't you have got me to tell you without kissing me?" Remus asked cautiously, he was a little afraid of upsetting such an obviously crazy person. Krysta shrugged.

"You're kinda cute. Just wanted to see how it felt. Anyway that's not the point, the point is that Sirius loves you to!" Krysta exclaimed.

"Y... You're lying," Remus blurted, "You're making fun of me! I... I don't believe you." the smile faded from Krysta's face as Remus pushed past her and ran into the corridor. She didn't try to chase him.

_Nice, very nice. She wasn't lying you know._

"Shut up!" snarled Remus. He was faintly aware of someone shouting his name but he just kept running. He ran out into the grounds and collapsed under a tree.

_Did the running help?_ Remus pounded his head. _No I didn't think so._

Remus just sat there on the cold, hard ground with his arms round his knees and rocking slightly. He knew he must look crazier then ever but he didn't care. He was busy having an intense internal battle. He was divided into three parts.

The first part of him believed Krysta, after all why would she lie?

The second part of him thought she must be lying because Sirius would never love him.

And the third part agreed with the first and wondered why the second part was being such a jumped up little prat. Why was it so hard to believe that Sirius loved him. But maybe that was wishful thinking.

_It's Sirius for god's sake! A complete ladies man! If he knew how you felt about him he'd run away screaming. Fairy!_

" Shut up!" Remus screamed pounding his head with the palm of his hand.

"Err... Remus? You ok mate?" James asked warily sinking down beside him.

" I'm fine," grumbled Remus, " just go away. And take the little voice with you."

"No offence Moony but I think you need help. Serious mental help. Anyway what's wrong?"

"Just something Krysta said. I needed to be alone." Remus shot a meaningful glance at James but he didn't take the hint.

" What did she say? Come on Moony I'm your friend, you can tell me." James coaxed. Remus was beyond caring anymore. In fact he was thinking about just shutting down and crowning the little voice Supreme Ruler of the inside of his head.

"She said Sirius was in love with me." said Remus in a dull continuous tone as he stared blankly into the middle distance. He was busy mentally walking round the inside of his skull and was starting to turn things off.

"Err... any idea why she told you that?" asked a thoroughly confused James. It was a while before Remus answered and James had to wave his hand in front of his face for a good five minutes.

"Because I told her I love Sirius and I dunno maybe she thought it would make me happy or something." Remus replied in the same dull tone.

"Oh... well... ok then." mumbled James awkwardly.

"You hate me now." it wasn't a question it was a statement.

"No... I...I don't hate you. I'm just surprised. I mean your gay." James said stupidly.

"I'm not gay I just like Sirius." Remus knew this was illogical but he had started to go into a trance like state so he didn't really care. The little voice whistled grandly.

_Lot a space in here. Good for my artwork._

"Remus can I talk to you?" Sirius stepped out from behind the tree just as Remus was about to turn of the will to live. His brain switched back on with an alarming jolt and the little voice swore loudly.

_Damn Sirius!_

Hope you all liked this chapter! Once again sorry for the delay! Please R and R!


	4. No More Games

Sorry for the delay but here is chapter four! Thanks to all my reviewers I really do love you all!

Chapter four: No More Games

The brief silence that followed was deafening. After a moment or two James seemed to realise that this conversation, thankfully, didn't include him. He rose from the ground with the speed and agility he usually saved for the Quiddittch pitch and after saying a mumbled goodbye all but sprinted back up to the castle.

_Lucky him. He gets to leave._

Remus tried to get his breathing under control as Sirius sank down beside him. He leaned back against the tree and stretched his long legs elegantly in front of him. Remus was dimly aware that now was not the time to be staring hungrily at Sirius' lean body but he just couldn't help himself. The little annoying voice decided to be helpful for once by screeching at him till he snapped out of it.

He glanced at Sirius out of the corner of his eye and was surprised to find that he was also doing the same thing. Sneaking looks at Remus just like he was sneaking looks at Sirius. What was going on? Remus decided to just savor the moment because Sirius was probably never going to look at him again after this.

_I'm_ _surprised he's not running away screaming to be honest. _The little voice sneered and though he hated to admit it Remus agreed. He was extremely surprised that Sirius was sitting so close. Remus had also stretched his legs out and their thighs were almost touching.

"So..." Sirius said at last.

"So?"

"So you... I... Really," Sirius sighed, "What's going on?" This time it was Remus' turn to stutter and mumble.

"I can't... It's... I think I..." Remus trailed of lamely.

"Is what you told James true?" Sirius' voice was suddenly unnecessarily high. Remus shifted uncomfortably and tried to skirt the issue.

"Which part? About Krysta saying you-about what Krysta said or about wanting to him to take the little voice away or about me not being gay? Because that's all true, I think." Remus began to chew nervously on his bottom lip. Suddenly Sirius pulled himself up on to his knees and turned to face Remus.

"Don't play games Remus you know what I mean!" Sirius sounded angry but Remus noted a hint of desperation laced in with the words, he turned away to avoid the piercing blue stare.

"No games? Ok then," Remus turned back to Sirius and met his gaze, "It is true. Everything I said... I... I love you Padfoot."

"I'm gonna kill Krysta." Sirius said with a smile.

"So yeah... You don't love me," Remus leaped to his feet, "Of course you don't. It's ok."

"No no. That's not-" Remus cut Sirius off.

"It's fine. I just remembered I have some homework to finish. Better get back." he said in a painfully forced, cheery voice. Sirius, who had also got to his feet by this point, made to grab Remus' wrist but he pulled away.

"Remus please-"

"See you later." Remus took a few careful steps to make sure he wasn't going to faint from disappointment then broke into a run leaving Sirius behind.

He ran straight up to Gryffindor tower and up to his dorm where he threw himself on the bed and started pounding the pillow with his fist.

_ Who were you kidding anyway. You know Sirius doesn't love you._

Who was he kidding?

Sorry the chapter was so short but please tell me what you think!!! I love you all!


	5. Mindless Vandalism

Well kiddies this is the last chapter! I hope you all loved my story and I hope you'll check out some of my other ones and look out for the new ones! I love you all! Thanks for all the reviews!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything!

Chapter Five: Mindless Vandalism.

As Remus lay on his bed and finally started to let reality in he stared to feel anger towards Sirius. For a few blissful moments Remus had actually thought there was a chance that Sirius loved him. And Sirius had let him.

In one fluid motion Remus had stood up and crossed the room to Sirius' bed. An evil grin that had never before dared to cross a face as angelic as Remus' had appeared on his soft lips. When in doubt turn to mindless vandalism.

He grabbed the hangings from around Sirius' bed and yanked them down. He tore great slashes in them then cast them aside. The same fate met the pillows and the covers as Remus began to work his way through Sirius' stuff. His anger only grew stronger and he turned his attention to the trunk at the foot of the bed.

He wrenched it open and grabbed the first then he could reach, which for the record was a bottle of red ink, and threw it as hard as he could at the wall creating the illusion of bloodshed and leaving shards of glass everywhere. Sirius' clothes were the next to meet Remus' wrath and as he shredded them beyond use he tried to block out the thought running through his head, Sirius would look better without them anyway.

As more inkbottles were smashed and pages were torn from books someone began shouting his name.

"Remus! REMUS! What are you doing!" James shouted as he picked his way through the debris.

Remus dropped a bottle of black nail varnish and looked at James as if he had a couple of screws loose. Then he spoke in the most calmest voice that anyone in the history of the human race has ever spoke in.

"What does it look like? Mindless vandalism."

_He's almost as stupid as you are!_

James opened and closed his mouth a few times then spluttered like a fish out of water. Remus, who had decided that James didn't have anything good to say, had gone back to smashing Sirius' sneakascope which was whistling shrilly.

Remus heard the door slam as James left but paid no attention to it. He was to busy trying to block out the pain.

A few minutes later the door burst open again and suddenly the noise in the room was deafening. The sneakascope was still whistling, Sirius was shouting and Remus was screaming angrily as he kicked things round the room. And, although Remus was the only one who could hear it, the little voice was also screaming.

_Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_

Sirius grabbed him round the waist and pulled him away from the wreckage.

"Damn Remus! What are you doing!" he demanded, pushing Remus in the chest and making him sit down on his bed. This was the second person who had asked the same silly question.

"What does it look like? Mindless vandalism." Remus scowled.

"Mindless... I just... Why?" Sirius looked around at his smashed belongings.

_Is everyone in this school stupid?_

Suddenly Remus didn't feel so reckless anymore, all the anger he had felt dissipated. He sat back on his bed and rested his chin on his knees.

"I dunno." he mumbled.

"What do you mean you don't know! Look at my stuff! Are you out of your freakin' mind!" obviously Sirius anger hadn't subsided.

_He has no idea!_

"It was just... I was mad at you." now that he had calmed down this seemed like a very stupid reason to destroy Sirius' stuff. Sirius thought so to.

"You were mad at me! If you'd have stayed earlier you wouldn't be mad at me! But I'm bloody pissed off with you!" Sirius raged.

"What?" Remus was confused.

"I'm gonna have to spend the rest of the bloody day repairing my stuff you psychopath!" Sirius shouted. Remus shrank back into his pillow.

"I'm sorry." he offered.

" Sorry? Your sorry! Look at my stuff! Your mad at me because you think I don't love you but I never said that. I didn't mean I was gonna kill Krysta because it wasn't true. I'm gonna kill her because I wanted to tell you when the time was right." Sirius seemed to deflate and he sat on the bed next to Remus.

"That's... Sirius that's not funny." Remus wouldn't let this happen again. It hurt to much.

_Oh for god's sake! Don't be so melodramatic! _

"I'm not kidding." Sirius reached towards him but Remus pulled away.

_Oh get a grip! You know he's not lying._

"Look I'll show you." Sirius got off the bed and began rummaging through the mess. After a few minutes of futile searching where he got covered in ink he finally found what he was looking for. He picked up a bit of ink stained paper and handed it to Remus.

"It's from my diary."

**I don't know what to do. I love Remus so much but I know he doesn't love me back. He's started acting really strange lately. He's been avoiding me and talking to himself. I think he suspects something. I've got to start putting a silencing charm around my bed, he can probably hear me moaning his name when I w- **

"Sirius!" Remus dropped the paper on the bed and stared at his raven haired friend, "You love me?" It wasn't exactly the romantic scenario Remus had imagined but he didn't care.

"Of course I do." Sirius breathed. He leaned forward and their lips finally met. _This _was everything Remus had dreamed of and more.

_ Oh for god's sake! I can't take it anymore! I'm leaving!_

Remus didn't even hear it. He was lost in his own little world. With Sirius.

THE END!

I know the ending is a little cliché but I hope you liked it! Please R and R! Thanks to all you reviewers out there!


End file.
